Sire of the Jedi
by hodorpotato
Summary: Rey, lost and alone, searches for anyone to nurture a connection. She tears apart the galaxy in search of the special someone. It isn't until she meets him that the bond is sealed.


**Phase One: Han**

Ever since Rey's parents dumped her on the Jakku wasteland, she desired the fulfillment of a parental figure. Han's deus de machina saving Rey from blaster fire and carting her to somewhere safe made her question if this was to be her adoptive father.

As they glided away on the Millenium Falcon, Rey sat in the cockpit alone with Han. She eyed his growing moustache and his dad bod. He seemed like the perfect daddy for a bad girl.

"I've never had a dad," Rey starts. "Is this what a dad is like?"

Han laughed and leaned back in the chair. "No, kid, fathers are a lot different. I'll never be one again."

"Not even for someone like me?" Rey asked shocked.

"Sorry kid, I'm a bad father. My son turned out to be a murderous sith lord obsessed with sniffing Darth Vader's panties." Han shook his head.

Rey knew she had to take drastic measures. She stomped her feet and made a noise of frustration. No father could deny a temper tantrum.

Han rolled his eyes and focused on piloting his ship. Rey knew that Han Solo was not the father for her.

 **Phase Two: Chewie**

With Han out of the picture (killed by his emo son), Rey's on a mission to find a another new dad. She turns to Han's furry friend, Chewbacca. Unfortunately, Chewie is already a dad to another Wookie, doesn't stop her from trying though.

On one of their many missions to steal some fuel for the resistance, Rey's nerves led to her locking herself in the 'fresher.

"Hey Chewie," Rey yells through the locked door to the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Roooarrgh ur roo," the Wookie responded, his haunting barks echoing throughout the ship.

"No stress, I was just wondering if you would like to be my daddy?" Rey asks as she teleports into the cockpit to sit on his lap. She begins to plait the fur on his chest. After she's made approximately 4 separate dreadlocks in steady silence, Chewie begins to speak.

"Woogaah. Huu hawaaaah hoooghhe waagh!"

"Okay sorry! Jeez I didn't realize you felt so strongly about this," Rey says as she slides back off of his lap and stomps her way back into the 'fresher.

"I guess I'll just have to find another man in my life to punish me, this furball isn't up to task!"

 **Phase Three: Poe**

The resistance base on D'qar was bustling with people preparing for an attack. Rey had scurried out of a debriefing meeting with General Organa when she caught sight of him.

Poe Dameron

The scruffy father.

Rey could tell from his strong embrace with Finn that he was a caring person even through his rough exterior.

He was waxing his X wing when Rey zoomed up to him.

"Hi Poe." Rey batted her lashes and flashed him a sultry look. "How old are you?"

Poe's eyebrows scrunched up, confuse by the question. "I'm turning thirteen next month!"

Rey turned the thought over in her head. If he is seven years younger could he still be her dad? After an hour of thought, she decided it wasn't the age of the daddy, it was the heart.

"Poe," Rey started. "This might be awkward, but I wanted to know if you'd be my daddy."

"I'd love to father you, Rey." Poe smiled at the trash girl. "How are your grades?"

Rey blanched. Grades? She had never been enrolled in school. Did her dad want her in school? "I have never gone to school."

"Never went to school? You mean you've missed every day of your elementary, middle, and high school education? You're grounded." Poe commanded. He followed Rey to her room. "I'm giving you 20 spankings. One for every year you've been alive."

Excited to finally be told her life is bad, Rey knelt down over Poe's knee. As soon as his rough hand made contact with her ass she jumped up.

"That hurt!" Rey shouted.

"Well you've been bad!" Poe shook his head in confusion.

"Dads don't hurt their little girls!" Rey marched out of the room in search of a new daddy.

 **Phase Four: Anakin**

In the basement of Maz's speakeasy, Rey stares at the unknown weapon. The sleek silver reflects her fivehead back at her as she reaches out and grabs it. Once the saber is firmly in her hands, visions fill her head, knocking her down to the cold hard ground.

First she sees a mechanical hand reaching out her direction, attached to a body that somehow looks way more emo than Kylo Ren (and way more attractive too). His greasy hair falls into his eyes, which are red in the lava light.

"So are you Anakin Skywalker?" Rey asks, eyeing his stumpy limbs and bad haircut.

"Yes. I am Anakin Skywalker. The chosen one. Soon to become Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith. Husband of Padme Amidala. Father to-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. You're a special snowflake, savior become bane of the galaxy, blah, blah," Rey sassed back, her wrist twirling his lightsaber in the Obi-Ani style as she spoke. Anakin's eyebrows rose as he watched her, clearly impressed at her mad skills. "Listen up, I need a father figure in my life."

"Uh…" He scratched his head, confused at her backtalk. "I'm a little busy at the moment, and also dead."

"Look I don't care about all that. Alive, dead, I need a daddy. And if you're my dad, you gotta punish me for interrupting you and giving you sass."

"Like I was trying to say before, I'm a vision. And dead. And even if I wasn't I would not have time to raise a kid. I couldn't even take care of my own biological kids and look how well that ended up. With them making out and committing twincest all across the galaxy. Trust me, you don't want me to be your dad. Anyways, I'm going to listen to some emo music and cry over my dead wife and how much I hate sand."

As Anakin slowly slid away on his stumps of arms, Rey lifted her fingers to her chin in thought. _I guess this one won't work out,_ Rey thought as she slipped out of the visions and back into the real world, _Time to start searching for someone new._ As she walked away, the lightsaber glinted on her belt.

 **Phase Five: Luke**

The landing of the Millenium Falcon on Luke's hidden island is rough. Rey could not contain her excitement to finally meet the legendary Luke Skywalker. She dashed down the off ramp and up the stairs carved into the mountain.

Luke stood at the top with his back turned. The mysterious ambiance was sick. Rey knelt down behind him with only one question on her mind. As he turned to see his lightsaber stretched out to him, she finally allowed the words to escape her. "Would you father me?"

Luke jerked his head back. "I expected Leia to try to bring me back to the resistance, but not by sending me a daughter."

"Mr. Luke, sir, General Organa didn't send me to be your daughter, it's just that I've been alone all my life, my dad and mom left me at a young age and I need to be guided."

"I'm not going to be your jedi master and I'm sure as hell not going to be your father." Luke rolled his eyes. "This is ridiculous!"

"Just try it out, please?" Rey begged. "I have a feeling that you're going to be the one to tell me I've been a bad girl."

"Ok, well listen to daddy and leave me alone." Luke commanded her.

"No." Rey snorted at him. "I guess you're not my daddy afterall."

 **Phase Six: Snoke**

Rey's capture had been sudden. When General Hux walked her up to the Supreme Leader Snoke and knelt her down before him, something flipped in her heart.

"So you're the jedi girl who has been disrupting my duties!" Snoke snarled at the little girl.

"I know this is a serious matter, but have you ever thought of adopting a child?" Rey asked.

"What?" Snoke asked in shock. "Why would I ever adopt a child?"

"Well that commanding tone you use. It makes you seem like you'd be a great father figure. You'd teach a child so well." Rey reasoned. The entire room was so confused.

"Damn this bitch has daddy issues." Snoke laughed. Hux stifled laughter from behind. "Your dad left you on that nasty planet and you come crawling to me asking me to raise you right?"

"Yes, sir." Rey said obediently. Maybe she finally found the man who was meant to be her father.

"I'll teach you, however you must call me Master or Supreme Leader." Snoke reasoned. She wouldn't really be his daughter, but his padawan.

"No, I don't need a teacher, I need a dad." Rey explained once again.

"I'll teach you the dark side of the force, how to channel more power than you ever knew existed." Snoke offered. He was cut off by the girl.

"I just want a father figure!" She screams and stomps her foot.

"Take her to Kylo Ren to be disposed of. She's giving me a migraine." Snoke ordered and Rey was dragged from the room.


End file.
